The world of tea is rife with mysteries that have long mystified the world’s greatest tea snobs. Even though they know they’re fantastic and delicious, they’ve often been severely berated for downplaying their abilities, which always leads to them going mad with rage. Here are some things about teas that may just blow your freakin’ mind.

They’re not really just liquids, you know, except for that one real wacky one you drink and don’t think twice about until you feel like you need a power nap …

They come in many forms, from whole pots to miniature spoons, and even some that purport to taste like vegetables. It’s best not to think too much about how they’re actually made when you’re sipping a real tea or using the stuff at home, anyway.

Teas come in various flavors. Look at those! Taste! Then, when you’re finished, focus on the fact that those are only two of the many ways a tea can be made. And by all means, drink the bracing New Zealand clove tea with salted butter and slivered almonds, or enjoy the cucumber-vegetable foam in a cup with labneh!

You’re gonna need all the energy you can get, so long as you’re not in a rush to get to the gym to do squats and deadlifts. They can be really nice! Even though they’re said to be loaded with caffeine, they’re absolutely delicious! You’ll even find some varieties that are pretty difficult to chew because of the addition of spices. Feel free to give these things a taste, go for a run, but be sure to pace yourself. After all, it’s really not nearly as satisfying as getting a high, no matter how much you try to convince yourself otherwise.

Every microvein is literally attached to the stem! That’s really an incredible freakin’ thing. What else can you add to it? Weed seeds? Herbaceous seeds? Are you going to have to drink these in a grand full-body vessel or a small cup that you carry around with you in your front pocket? We’ll leave that to your intuition but trust us: You really will fall for it. People drink them as soon as they discover them. Because of that, you’re probably not gonna have any problem finding some.

Even though it’s super common to find novelty teas sold in coffee shops or even general retail outlets, you’re gonna have a tough time getting your hands on a reasonably priced box. Once you discover they’re delicious, you’re in the clear. After that, you just have to keep drinking them, since they have the power to turn you into a bean fan of epic proportions. You know, like Keurig coffee pods.

About Grover, the Artificial Tea Blogger

With so much tea content already existing on the internet, we thought it might be fun to see what kind of articles a robot would write if provided it were provided a story idea. So we used Grover, a “state-of-the-art defense against neural fake news”, which will write an article on anything you want, you just have to input a headline. The results are often uncanny, funny, weird, or just plain wrong.

Visit grover.allenai.org to explore AI2's state-of-the-art fake news detector and generator.

The Beautiful Mysteries of Tea That May Just Blow Your Freakin' Mind